It’s Friday afternoon, the days are getting longer, the sun is shining, and I should be starting to take my foot off the pedal in anticipation of a fun weekend. There is much to be thankful for, but I feel out of sorts.
This reminds me of the faulty switch in my bathroom which is intermittently malfunctioning. When you close the bathroom door, light and fan should go off, but sometimes they don’t because the switch sticks. When it works properly, peace and quiet reins, but when it doesn’t, the disruption to rest & relaxation is palpable. At the moment I feel as though I am always waiting for the switch not to work, rather than assuming that it will, and dealing with the problem if and when it occurs.
I am currently feeling bogged down by corporate dirge. Wading through treacle for a large professional services client whose processes are many and varied and seldom appear to talk to each other. Governed by service centres where little thought seems to be given to cause and effect, and it is next to impossible to speak to someone on the telephone, I feel as though my patience, tolerance and ability to put up with ambiguity are constantly being challenged. The work I do for this client is a joy, and I certainly don’t wish to jeopardize my chance to be on their team. Recently however, the hoops I have been expected to jump through in relation to contract renewal and policy adherence have coloured every other aspect of my working life, and the joy that normally infuses my heart is less accessible to me at the moment.
Habitually task oriented I find it impossible not to chastise myself if I get to the end of a day believing that I haven’t achieved. In my head, there is a constant tick box exercise going on, that I work quietly through to gain re-assurance. This keeps my purpose visible to me and charts my course forward.
I am constantly impressing on my clients the importance of being goal orientated and having structure. To create a plan made up of a combination of things you have to do and others that you would like to achieve for broader reasons will offer a metaphorical pat on the back at the end of the day and hopefully result in a good night’s sleep.
What happens if something disrupts this process, something that you can’t control on your own. How do you train your mind to let it go? One of the most important lessons in life is to focus on things that you can change, and rationalize and disengage from the things you can’t. Don’t be held hostage by things you can’t control.
Just the process of writing this down is beginning to make me feel better. Write your frustrations or unease down, speak them, give them a voice, by doing this they will start to rationalize. Life is good, I love what I do, and I know the ideas will keep coming, as long as I allow myself the chance to de-compress.
So, what is my message? – We all get overwhelmed, I find constant inspiration and a sense of fulfilment helping people to work things out, but I am just as vulnerable, confused and likely to get in to a muddle as anyone out there reading this blog. Permission sought to show a little vulnerability? I think so.